Perseverance is a very fickle affair. And I, being decidedly indecisive and momentarily lackadaisical, have succumbed to its guilt-ridden foe: procrastination.
This thing began just like any other project, with eyes to the sky and full of gumption; nary a night of bourbon and an episode of Lost could assuage me. Words and rhythms flowed steady and sweet. When sentence structure and words like lackadaisical get your blood pumping, a blog is second to heaven. Oh, things in the world of Amaranthian were certainly grand. Until, of course, the other half and I decided it was time to stop frittering away our precious funds on things like organic leeks and dark chocolate that’s practically worth its weight in gold. So, dear friends, this burgeoning foodie started down the road of penny-pinching casseroles. Yes, I said it. Casseroles.
Not that there’s anything wrong with a good casserole. One of my favorite comfort foods is good ol’ Paula Deen’s chicken and rice casserole. But they don’t exactly make a riveting topic to write about week after week. Also, they seem to quietly whisper two things to me: ‘you couldn’t think of anything interesting to make, and figured hey! Cheese? Cream? Onion? Maybe some two year old pre-packaged Italian-seasoned bread crumbs on top? Heck yeah!’ and ’What, are you going to a potluck, or is it bridge night at the Robinson’s?’ Now don’t be offended. This is just what most casseroles say to me. Not that I talk to food all that often. I mean, a quick chat every so often doesn’t exactly make me certifiable…
With my budget drastically cut and the day job cutting into my sanity (even more so than those chatty casseroles), Amaranthian slowly dipped behind the horizon. And then came the obstacle that stood staunchly in my way like a mom guarding the last Tickle Me Elmo on Black Friday: pessimism. What’s the point of writing a blog that no one will read, about recipes that no one will make? Why am I writing about food when I can’t even scramble eggs? Will this get me anywhere? How can I compete with such brilliant food blogs like Orangette? Sure, her blog got her a gig at Bon Appetit and a book deal, but that could never happen to little, insignificant me. It’s the universal dilemma: what is my purpose?
“Most people would succeed in small things if they were not troubled by great ambitions.” Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Mr. Longfellow hit the proverbial nail on the head. We cannot live our lives in desperation simply because we cannot attain the unattainable. This blog probably won’t win any awards, and it may not be my ticket to living the life fantastic. But I love to write, and that makes me happy. We all have doubts and we all aim high. The trick is not to wallow. Take that doubt, slap it around, figure out its origin, and then, by golly, slap yourself around and get on with it. My face is still slightly numb from all the self-flagellation, but if you play it right, people will think you just came back from an invigorating jog. And interpretation is half the battle. The other half is our good friend perseverance.